A better me

For a little over a year my daughter has been going through a really difficult time. At least the part I am aware of has been that long, but it has probably been much longer than that. She is an amazing young lady with a compassionate heart and a creative mind. But there are days that I am drained after interacting with her all day long. There are moments where she is unable to express herself and because of that she has meltdowns that can be very challenging. I try to keep one step in front of her but the meltdowns are unpredictable and can vary in duration and what they look like. A year ago we tried different medications and then various forms of therapy. after a few months someone recommended we have her tested for Autism. The thought had never crossed my mind as she did not appear to me to be someone who was autistic, at least from what I knew.

On December 1, 2017 she was diagnosed with High Functioning Autism Spectrum Disorder, with Asperger tendencies. Having this diagnosis didn’t change who she was/is but definitely answered a lot of questions and helps give direction, some of the time at least. She has been working with different professionals now to help her with social skills and other areas that are challenging to her. There have been improvements in areas and there will always be struggles but there are many tools out there for help along the way.

So, what does this have to do with running? Some days it has everything to do with my running.

For most of my life I have struggled with depression. I have been to several therapists, tried different medications and over the past few years what I have found helps me the most is running. I am not saying to drop your therapist or your medication. I am just saying for me, the most helpful thing is making sure that I am physically active by running.

In the next few months after my daughter’s diagnosis I was on a downward spiral with my depression. I was overwhelmed with the different aspects of the diagnosis with many appointments that my daughter now had and also trying to make time for my son as well. I got lost in all of it. It was then that I was challenged for the mile a day for 10 days. Running has helped me once again pull out of the depths of depression. I am also so thankful that my parents were able to help me take her to many of those appointments.

I love my daughter so much but after a rough day, I am usually so exhausted. Today was one of those days, actually, it has been a few rough days. Even though I feel like I don’t have the energy to do anything except to just go to bed, I know that my mind needs that run. I think my children know I need it to. As I started my mile tonight my legs were so heavy, they felt like lead. The first quarter of a mile was rough and quite slow but as I finished the first half mile, I knew I was where I needed to be. It is in moments like this that I am no longer thinking about the challenges of having a child with special needs, but taking in other things around me, like the beautiful sunset tonight.

Running refreshes me and gives me energy. I know this about me and there are days that I really struggle to get motivated to get out there. But I know that after I am done it will be worth it.

Running helps me be a better mother to my children.

Running gives me strength to push forward.

Running helps me be a better me.

What a runner looks like

Why is it that we have ideas engrained into us about what certain people should look like? Like athletes? Specifically, runners? Where does that come from? Does it come from the media? From the advertisements and commercials that surround us?

If I were to sit and imagine an ideal runner, I would think of someone tall and thin wearing short shorts with defined leg muscles.

I do not think that I look like a runner.

If you look historically in marathons prior to the late sixties, the runners were all men. The story of Kathrine Switzer in 1967 running in the Boston Marathon is quite an amazing one. If you are not familiar with her or her amazing story and the progress that she made for women runners, take a moment to watch a little about her.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fOGXvBAmTsY

According to most around her in 1967 she did not look like a runner, because she was a woman. Her race bib was number 261 and has become a symbol for what Kathrine stood for and still stands for.

I may not look like a runner; however, I know I am a runner. Runners come in all shapes and sizes. I may not have the fastest time or what some might consider as the body of a runner, but I am a runner. After starting this 10 day challenge 117 days ago, going out for my mile is no longer something I have to do, it is who I am. I am a runner who runs a mile or more every day. At this point I do not want to stop. I am not sure how my body, or how my mind would react to not getting my mile in. I would not want to start from zero again. I don’t worry about missing a day, I worry about having to start over. Part of me is not sure if I would start over if for some reason I missed a day.

Self-image is something I have always struggled with. But I need to remember that it is not about what others think of me, or what box I feel like I should try and fit myself into but knowing who I am from the inside out. I have been growing more confident of who I am and who I am becoming. Running has helped me in many areas with that.

I am sure that Kathrine Switzer struggled with not looking like the predefined version of a runner, but she overcame it and was a runner despite those trying to remove her from the course. I do not know for sure if she struggled with body image as I have but knowing that she was trying to do something that a woman was not allowed to do knowing there would be challenges to complete what she was set out to do. For more information

The person I am battling the most is myself. There are days that I feel like I am not a runner or that I cannot call myself a runner but I am. I think that putting challenges in front of myself, like the 1 mile a day for 10 days, which turned into 100 days, and trying to get a mile in less than 9 minutes were mostly to prove to myself that I am capable and remind myself that I am a runner.

I am a runner!

What can be accomplished in 4 days?

4 days ago I started my mission to get my mile done in less than 9 minutes. I didn’t know how long this mission was going to take me. Part of me doubted I could complete it, but most of me knew I could get it done in a matter of time.

My plan was recommended by Donna to do a 15 second burst of faster paced running with 45 seconds of normal paced running for one week. The next week 20 second burst, 40 seconds normal pace and the following week 30 seconds of the faster paced burst and 30 seconds of my normal pace.

I was ready for my challenge.

Day 1: 9:55 I felt accomplished and excited about moving from my 11 minute average mile. Not my fastest mile ever but it felt good.

Day 2: 9:15 Wow! Did I just do that? I know I can do this!

Day 3: 9:06 And even closer yet! On my third day of focusing on completing a mile in less than 9 minutes.

Day 4: I wasn’t sure how this was going to go. The forecast for the day was over 90 degrees. Hot weather has not typically been my friend in the past, so I was not sure that I was going to continue to gain ground toward my goal. Thankfully the morning of rain kept the temperature in the mid 70s.

I completed my mile in 8:53!! I did it! I ran a mile in less than 9 minutes!

After 4 days I met my goal!

 

NO LONGER “IF” BUT “WHEN”

I completed my one mile a day for 10 days, that turned into 20, 30, 50 and then 100. I have now completed 110 days, so what next? My daughter had suggested 1,000 days, and others have suggested different numbers. I do know for a fact I want to keep going with my mile a day. I am still keeping track of how many days because it is fun to see that number climb as I go further on this journey.

It helps me to have something to work towards. I have been thinking about what I want my next goal to be. I wanted something tangible to accomplish to feel like I really did something that I thought would be impossible in the beginning. Training for a half-marathon two years ago seemed impossible and now I have completed four half-marathons and also two 25k races. I like to feel challenged and be able to do something that I thought or sometimes someone told me I would not be able to do. Completing those longer runs did that for me. It was such a great sense of accomplishment. And after each race I would look for another one to do. But financially that adds up. You might think running is not an expensive sport, however, those race entries really add up.

How could I modify my current mile a day but still feel challenged? At this time I really feel that I can’t increase the distance for multiple reasons and finding the time for one mile has been something I have been able to accomplish. So, I have decided I want to speed up mile. In high school I would complete my mile in 16 minutes or so, on a good day. At that time, I didn’t really care about how fast it was and I probably had no desire to do it at all, but I just did it because I had to for the grade. For the longer runs these past two years, it was just accomplishing the goal of getting to the end, not about the time. On most of my miles throughout this 110 day journey I am completing my mile in about 11 minutes, a few times in the 10 minute range and then two below 10 minutes.

So, what is my next goal? I want to run a mile in less than 9 minutes. Why? Just to say I can do something I never would have thought I have could have done. I know after I get to that point, it will be a while to build up my long distance runs to anywhere near that speed, but this journey I started in January has been about one mile at a time, and it will continue to be just that, one mile at a time.

I am not sure how long this is going to take me yet. I started talking to one of my wonderful Sole Sisters about ways to increase my speed. After just one time of making the beginning adjustments that she suggested, my mile last night was in less than 10 minutes and it felt great. I realized that I can make this happen with some work. Thank you Donna! You and the Sole Sisters have been so instrumental in this journey over the past 2 years in so many areas of my life!

Even as I write this, I am noticing how my thought process has changed which is evident in the wording that is just naturally coming out as I am writing this that my mindset has changed. I am no longer talking in terms of “if” I can complete things that once seemed impossible, it is “when” I complete it. My running journey and even more in this 110 days and counting, I have grown more confident in myself and the things I am capable of doing. There are definitely days and areas of my life that I get stuck in the “if” zone, but with running, it is now “when”.

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Running partners

After a good and busy weekend and a busy week ahead with a change in our schedule from school to day camp, I was not sure I wanted to go out for my run tonight. But my two amazing kids reminded me that I really needed to get my mile in, and the best part was, they were going to join me.

My son received a longboard for his birthday and he wanted to go the distance with me. It was a bit uncertain as to how well this was going to go, but I was up for giving it a shot.

At the same time, my daughter also wanted to join me on his longboard. All of the sudden it became quite the ordeal. Thankfully we were able to figure out a plan. My daughter was going to join me for the first lap and my son for the second lap. This is the first weekend that the longboard has been around, so we were not moving very fast, so I did laps around her as she was plugging along.

About an eighth of the way into the first lap my daughter decided her legs had had enough and we turned around to head back.

Next up was my son…

I was not too sure about his approach…

I was quite certain that his hands would be quite torn up by the end. So, I convinced him to stand up and for over a half mile I pulled him along.

It was a good way for him to get used to balancing on it and it was a nice time with just him.

As we came around the bend back to the house my daughter joined us for the last stretch.

It was definitely my slowest run in a very long time, however, the time was worth it!

I needed these two and their smiles with their little half hug tonight. They are a huge part of why I run. I want to show them about making healthy choices and set a good example for them. But sometimes, even though I love them so much, I need to run to get away, just for my 10 to 12 minutes from the stresses of being a single parent. And I know I am a better parent to them both because I run.

A hard one

Day 102. Today I did not want to run. It took quite a bit out of me to get out there this afternoon. My kids were with their dad for a few hours so I wanted to get my run in but also wanted to get a few things done around the house. But I really didn’t have the desire to do any of it. I just wanted to crawl in bed. It was just one of those kinds of days emotionally and physically.

But I changed my clothes, laced up my shoes and went out for my run. My music was loud and helped keep me going. As I was getting ready to head out I sent a quick text to Erik that I really wasn’t feeling it and he sent a nice encouraging message back, to get out there. As I was most of the way through he sent a few more messages about not giving up which helped me push to the end.

Some days it feels like running takes care of my troubles, or helps me at least process them, but today my thoughts overwhelmed me. As a single parent and also just plain being a grown up can be a bit much some days. It was just one of those days where everything seems to hit at the same time. Beyond that, today one of my aunts had a biopsy as her cancer returned and  tomorrow my 92-year-old grandmother is getting a pace maker.

Running today didn’t help me resolve any of those things going on, however, it did give me about eleven and a half minutes it was peacefulness and the only thing I needed to worry about for that time was putting one foot in front of the other. And I have another day in the books.

Triple digits

100 days! I have made it to triple digits! What started as a little challenge just to get me moving has changed me in different ways.

Here are a few of the things that I have noticed or learned on this journey:

1. I am a runner. Yes, I have in the past with various events I have run in, I knew I was a runner but now it isn’t just what I do as I train for different events, it is who I am. I am a person who runs every day. I am a person who makes running a priority for my physical and mental health.

2. I have the resting heart rate of a runner. It has been interesting to watch my average resting heart rate change through out these 100 days. It started around 65 and as I sit and write this according to my Fitbit, it is 53. At my physical on Friday, my doctor commented on how she can tell I am a runner because of it encouraged me not to stop.

3. I am happier. I know this is not only because of running but I know that this challenge has helped me feel happier more often. If I am mad, sad, angry or depressed, I know I need to get outside and run it off.

4. I can beat a 9 year old. A few weeks ago my boyfriends son said that he did his mile run at school. He told me he completed it in 9 minutes and 45 seconds and that night I went out and ran my mile I finished in 10 minutes and 30 seconds. He said that a friend of his did it in 10 minutes 15 seconds. In the back of my mind I knew I could push forward and get closer that to his time. Within a week I was able to complete my mile in 9 minutes and 40 seconds. (my fastest mile yet) I am sure if we were to have a race that he would beat me but it did feel good to get a time 5 seconds faster than a 9 year old.

5. My children believe in me. Yes, I know that they have always believed in be but hearing them get excited about me reaching this goal today was pretty cool. And according to my daughter, my next goal should be 1,000… um… that is quite a commitment… I am not saying no, but I just need to work with a bit smaller and more tangible goals. We will see if that will happen, but for now it is just one day at a time.

6. I inspire people. This feels kind of weird to say about myself but it also feels good and helps pushing me forward. If I can inspire just one person to make a positive change in their life, even just one mile at a time, this has been a success. I know that not everyone is a runner but if I can help them find the thing that helps them to be motivated to move, it is a good thing.

7. Sometimes I need to run alone. There have been times where I have been very upset or angry about things and going just that mile has helped clear my head.

8. Sometimes I need to run with someone. There are days that I really need that companionship and someone to talk to or listen to as I make my way through my mile or more.

9. The music that I listen to as I run sets my pace for the run.

10. Running a mile a day isn’t something I do anymore, it is who I am.

My friend Kari ran with me this morning to complete these first 100 days. It was a beautiful day for a run. We got a bit wet, not from the heat but from some sprinklers, which was a nice change. Some days it would be really nice to find a sprinkler along the way. We were dripping quite a bit for a little while but it was a nice relaxing run. Thank you for joining me Kari!

Thank you to everyone who has supported me along these first 100 days!!!

Thank you for encouraging me to keep going and heping make me a better me!

Do you really run EVERY day?

As I begin talking to people about the running journey I am on, some people look at me in shock and some react with the question, “Do you really run EVERY day? While talking about this with a friend today, he gave me what he tells people and it is the perfect response:

I only run the days of the week that end with the letter Y.

After just completing day 98, yes, I too only run the days of the week that end with the letter Y.

The more I have been talking about it I have heard the impact it has on others and it makes me want to keep going. I have talked to a coworker who is really contemplating starting the 1 mile a day for 10 days. I am really hoping that he can make that happen for himself and also for his daughter. Yesterday I read a friend’s post who is just starting a similar journey.  I don’t know if she saw what I was doing and it does not matter, the important part is that she is doing it. I am not doing this for any sort of attention. I am doing this for me and my physical and mental heath but if others are encouraged and inspired, that is just a great side effect.

Another friend today told me my next goal needs to be 366 days, so that it is over a year. I am not ready to commit to that many days yet. But, at this point in the game I don’t want to miss a day because then I would have to start over at 1… I have come too far to start over.

I am almost to my goal of 100. I am trying to figure out what day 100 will look like yet, but I am excited about it. I don’t know how I will celebrate yet as I am pretty proud of this accomplishment and I want to remember that feeling of getting to 100.

What day will I run next? The next day that ends in the letter Y.